Monday, April 23, 2007

Mind Status

i have a CPR class tomorrow morning. i should have already read this booklet that he gave me about 2 weeks ago. i read 2 chapters. not that its intense or hard its just that my mind gets amazingly exhausted just thinking about studying. wiggidy whack. then thinking about the 2 full years of school im gonna be entering this summer, makes me want to slip into a coma. i dont know how im going to be able to do this. i need to get a desk in this room or the library gonna be my 2nd home. good grief.

in ONE MONTH i will have my damn stupid license back! gah! its been 5 months of "can you take me..." NO NOW I SHALL BE FREE!!! FREE TO GO TO MCDONALDS!! hahahaha no i wont be going there. but i damn sure will get a lot of shit done with myself being self mobile and what not. and NO i did not get a DUI. i simply have the heaviest foot known to a korean girl. not anymore.

i dont think farrah (our cat) likes me anymore. its too much fun to torment the kitty. its all with love tho! on the other hand the pups are greater than ever. i gave boomer a time out for eating a lollipop and now he refuses to smell one even when its given to him to his face. love him. and lucy? well shes still buff and still a paranoid dog that watches way too much tv. :D

i feel like weekends are really weekends to me. i hardly even notice unless i was scheduled to work and the restarant was busy. now that everything is back to normal and the way it was. i love it. i love living here. theres never a boring day, theres always action and of course theres always james. but other than that i used to think back to where i used to live with my brother. i couldnt believe all the time i had to myself. which prob was the reason i was constantly out and about. which was also the reason why my brother and i clashed. but if he knew how much im at home now. haha its weird but whenever we do go out, to a point, we cant wait to get home and be home.

june 8th. 4 year mark for james and i.

pretty amazing. im sure my friends are amazed with it too. hah doubters! lol jk sure doesnt feel like it though. it doesnt even feel like ive been living with him for a year. i love how we function. how we work. how we just are. just taking it one day one week one month at a time with all due respect for each other. how we choose to grow instead of tearing each other apart from selfishness. i mean there is no past tense is love really. its either you do or you never did. at this point i knew i loved him before i even met him. couldnt have been anymore picture perfect. couldnt have dreamt for anymore. sold to me as is. thanks james for being james.

on a wayyyy different note-
if your depressed, not from this world, feel like the world hates you, feel like killing yourself... then kill YOURSELF. DONT bring anyone else down the fucking shithole with your sorry ass. i think its even more pathetic that people seem to "FEEL" that suicide it not enough for them but to mow down 827364274 people with them would make up for their self worth. fuck you fuck yourself with a fucking gun and die. leave the happy people alone. fucking stop smoking stop eating shitty food stop excessively drinking stop killing yourself. if you feel like your gonna have to die eventually and you dont give a fuck than you shouldnt even be here to begin with. fucking selfish fucks.

and the black community needs to stop flipping out about every black racist shit. if your gonna be crazy about it then stand up for ALL RACISM. and if you dont want to be called a nigger, "you people" shouldnt be calling each other that then. AFAI WFN PIJNFOAIBFOAIHF PSFJAIPSDFH gah...

thats how i feel. judge me or not who cares cuz i sure dont.
other than that...
"you look like snoopy and it makes me laugh..."

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